Quite often we hear these familiar remarks from our
families, friends, colleagues, and the rest.
I am sure you heard one of these either this week or this month!
“Whenever my Dad talks to me, he starts giving me wisdom. It
is all about what to do and what not to do.”
“My manager comes and talks to me whenever he has some task
on hand. I end up doing it. “
“I have stopped talking to my husband because he reacts to
whatever I say. He goes on talking about his opinion. He criticizes but does
not try to understand what is going on. “
“My brother comes to me whenever he needs something. I haven’t seen him helping me on anything or
sharing anything with me.”
“He is a loudmouth. I wouldn’t invite him for this party.”
“He does not support our team. He bosses around!”
“That evening, when
he said that to me, I felt like moving away and stop talking to him. He is such an idiot! He doesn’t care!”
Will a cocktail party with the right mix of flavors help us
loose our inhibition and have a smooth talk? Will that be the right occasion to connect a
troubled boss or a coworker with the rest of the team? Some of you must have tried that and know
what happened the next morning or the next week. The story repeats and the
experience does not improve. So, what do we do?
We are social and connected. We are connected with our
families, relatives, friends, colleagues and communities. The way we communicate builds our
relationships with people around us. The flavors of communication are
numerous. From greeting and enquiring to
commanding and criticizing we end up one way or the other. The flavors we mix to communicate either foster
relationships or lead to withdrawals because of a potential communication
breakdown. This is because communication is one of the significant
factors that reflect our attitude and behavior in any social setting.
So, are we mixing the right flavors or missing the essentials? And are we avoiding the brutal ones?
Look at this picture for a moment. It provides just a collection of different
flavors we end up reflecting in our communication. There are several other flavors such as
encouraging, badgering, boosting, boasting, inflaming, and so on. I am sure, you have more to add. If you have some, please feel free to add
those in your comments and share your thoughts on this post.
Which of these flavors are the most likable? Which of those produce sweet memories? The list is not very long but it includes
responding, enquiring, supporting, aligning, believing, sharing, trusting, appreciating,
greeting, comforting, listening, caring, and the likes. That is the first set of flavors I wanted to
present. I am sure you like all of them. Obviously, everything in this set
creates a wonderful experience. These are the ones that are pleasant and
amicable in all situations. These are the ones that let us connect with people
and nurture relationships.
These flavors make a pleasing impact when we are genuine
with no intent of manipulation. In some cases, people mask everything else and
mix these flavors well enough to construct a positive image of each other and
build their relationship. You know what
happens next. Is repeating these flavors a practical way to live our lives
happily? Yes, that makes sense but we
need many other flavors too!
Sometimes we need to communicate in different ways. We need to mix more flavors. That list includes flavors such as reacting,
advising, instructing, opining, directing, supervising, guiding, tasking,
probing, commanding, controlling, criticizing, etc. That is the second set of flavors. It is tough to live without some of these flavors
in certain situations. Yes. It is tough
to eliminate or avoid such flavors all
the time considering the variety of roles we play – Mother, Father, Son, Daughter,
Sister, Brother, Husband, Wife, In-Laws, Grand Parent, Student, Teacher, Coach,
Mentor, Supervisor, Team Member, Entrepreneur,
etc.
When we repeat more and more of the flavors in this second
set, we shrink the wonderful experiences created by the first set. Eventually, when we forget about the first
set, we create a bitter experience.
This is a tiny thought I wanted to express through this blog
post. When this stays in our mind, we understand the constant and consistent
focus we need to have in balancing these two sets in certain roles.
How do you know if you are maintaining the balance or
not? One way is to do self-inquiry or
introspection. Another way is to listen
and understand how people around you respond to your interactions and consider signals that
come to you through feedbacks. A better
approach is to find opportunities to mix the flavors of the first set.
There is yet another approach. Next time when you either make
or consume a cocktail or mocktail, remember this question. Are You Mixing The Right Flavors? I am sure you will mix the right flavors!
Wish You a Happy New Year 2015!
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